1. Create an affirmation – If you’ve ever tried to use affirmations, you know they
can be tough to believe initially. In For example, in my own evolution the question looks like,
“Why am I able to so easily, comfortably and accurately calculate sums?”
Action step: Identify a belief you want to change and construct a
question around it . Ask yourself the question repeatedly when you wake up and
just before you go to bed. Don’t look for a conscious answer; let your brain’s
reticular-activating system (a network of nerve pathways that mediates your
overall level of consciousness) initiate a scan for solutions.
2.
Drop your assumptions. Having the belief that something
that happened in the past will always happen that way in the present or future
creates a fantasy that can hold you back. Past lack of success in no way
predicts or affects the outcome of an action this time around. I’ve had to
deliberately practice being open to the fact that I actually can
accurately compute.
Action step: Practice being open to change. You don’t have to believe it
will happen or know exactly when. Focus instead on developing an attitude that
allows for the idea that change might occur. For example, you might say
to yourself, “I’m open to shifting my belief about _________.”
3. Transform resistance. Whenever you try to change something, there will be a part
of you that opposes the idea. At the bottom of any resistance is
fear—especially fear of change. You can gently decrease resistance when you
acknowledge it, identify the fear, and make a plan to ameliorate it. For
me
this means acknowledging I’m afraid to look stupid if I inaccurately compute a
sum in front of others. Ways to lessen the fear could include anything from
taking deep breaths to calm myself before calculating so that my mind is clear,
to practicing computing at first only in front of people I trust, to giving
myself plenty of time and resources to solve the equation.
Action step: Answer the following questions: When it comes to the
belief you want to change, what part of you resists changing it? Why? What
fear does that relate to? What would it take to lessen the fear?
4. Craft a new story. There are many interpretations of every moment. The one
you’re carrying around is neither the only one nor the only accurate one. It’s
time to create a new story around the old belief. For a long time my story has
been, “I can’t do math.” But another story exists: My nine-year-old self got
spooked by the pressure to not be “stupid” at the same time she was attempting
to learn a new skill (computing within a set timeframe). For a child who valued
being a good student, the stress understandably caused a short-term
interruption in her ability to effortlessly solve the equations.
Action step: With your older and more mature perspective, look back on
the day(s) that formed the belief you want to change. Notice what other stories
could be told to explain the situation. Frame four other possible and positive beliefs
that are equally represented in the experience.
5.
Suspend judgment. Every time you criticize yourself
for that old belief you make it stronger, because you weaken your connection to
one of your greatest assets: self-compassion. Instead, access kindness,
humanity, and mindfulness to create an internal support system built on
acceptance, appreciation, and optimism. Forgiveness, too, can be a key element
in this step. I’ve had to focus on forgiving myself for that long-ago “failure”
and shift my attention to what I can only describe as transcendence. When I
approach a math problem now, a part of me rises above the moment, forgives
those old doubts, accepts and appreciates my apprehension, and yet believes I
can easily arrive at the solution. It’s this strong, calm, and peaceful part
that proceeds to do the calculation.
Action step: Create a space in yourself where you have already achieved
success, as if the task of change is behind you. Imagine that the timeline of
your life stretches into the future in one direction and into the past in
another. Face the future. Now imagine that in your timeline, behind you is an
object that represents the old belief. Push it back into your timeline as far
as it will go. Then take a deliberate step forward.
6. Change your approach. So often when we want to change something about ourselves,
we place our attention on stopping something—for example, changing our health
by stopping overeating, drinking, smoking, and so on. Thinking about what you
want to stop focuses your mind on what you don’t want it to do.
Switch your attention to the thing you do want. I’ve had to stop hoping
I don’t make a mistake and shift my focus instead to how I will be able to be
accurate in my calculation.
Action step: Identify the desired result and develop a new belief to
support it. Then think about how to create the kind of environment and
experience necessary to achieve success.
7.
Shift from expectation to intention.
An expectation is a strong belief that something will happen in the
future. When circumstances beyond your control interfere with success, it’s
easy to experience a setback. An intention, however, is how you plan to
approach a task or experience. This is always within your control, which means
it offers more solid ground on which to build your desire for change. I really
love this step because it’s helped me eliminate the expectation that I’ll make
a
mistake. Now I focus on how I intend to create a successful approach to doing
math.
Action step: Set your intention for how you’re going to embody changing
this belief: “I intend to ____ by _____.” Use this sentence as a guide for your
future actions.
All these years later, I appreciate
that the fear of my nine-year-old self that produced the negative belief about
my ability to do math was understandable for a child striving for excellence.
But now, in my 40s, do I need to worry about how long it takes to add in my
head? Not really! That’s why I intend to allow myself all the time I need for
every math problem as I continue to develop and deepen neural pathways around
my new belief: “I can accurately calculate mathematical equations.”
What’s your intention for the belief
you choose to change?
Ajay Singh
Ajay Singh
